if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. All the fans are gone! Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? I like big putts and I cannot lie. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. He was puttering around. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Nothing it should have ducked. In case they get a hole-in-one! Fore-get Me Nots. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Its almost a law. 22. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? They expect to succeed! Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? -Bob Hope A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Required fields are marked *. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Golf is a lot like life. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Wash your balls. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? I give him the driver. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Because all the other four letter words were taken. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Intercourse! Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Do you know why the game is called golf? I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. And that thought is: Dont think. Required fields are marked *. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Sam Snead. Nay! Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Andy. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Peter Jacobson, 33. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? 4. 9. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. The guys who come "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". What did the duck say to the golf ball? Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Ben Hogan. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? 6. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. On a golf course, nature is neutered. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. It will test your patience. You must remember not to remember to think. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Hit the ball. And now it will be poisoned for you. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Knock, knock Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. The end. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. And it's damn funny. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. What do you call a lion playing golf? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. You swing left and the ball goes right. Drop some in the comments! Hi there! Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. I'm Tiger Woods. . Is everything okay?. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Besides that, I love to explore. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? He said. The lowest score wins. the flag cant jump. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Please sign up with your best email address. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Golf is like doing your taxes. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
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