still sad 10 years after divorce

The divorce was my idea. I still find myself falling into a funk in November and December, and then it takes all of January to get my feet back under me. I had an amazing marriage, and I loved being a husband. Commit yourself to enjoy life and move on without fear. A question, do you talk about the divorce and their mother when youre around them. Its very hard to move on and not think or focus on the should of, would of and could of. Still, I can only imagine that he, too, senses the sorrow that is part of who I am. At every appointment, they can hold both parties to a standard of respect and non-judgment. That awful truth of divorce brings depression, devastation and a feeling of despair that we have never experienced and is hard to explain. Perfectly said. I feel very lost again. I hate to think I will live and hurt the rest of my life like this, I just love her !! We met my freshman year of college and I truely feel that he shaped who I am today in the most positive way anyone ever could and then I left him. You would not be providing a broken home to a child, youd be providing love and stability and a father. We were married for 15 years. "@context": "https://schema.org", Gradually, your feelings on loss will start to be replaced by new things to do, new people to meet and new places to go. I don't know exactly how I feel about that. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, I wish all who have experienced this, the best of strength and happiness. Better if you acknowledge the pain and express it openly instead of trying to deny it as if it doesnt exist at all. Deep down, if she tried to come back, Id take her back. I wasnt perfect, but many people still scratch head wondering why all of this. Oh, so difficult! And so I come to accept my reality: Sadness can coexist with happiness; some wounds may never heal though we learn to live with the pain; some pain may never subside completely. I am still lost, but all the replies I read show my hurting is not alone. But, I was wrong. Wow, I was taken aback by this editors unkindness and lack of compassion. Oh well. It's not a bad place to be. Divorce can be worse than dying. We spoke to 12 men about life after divorce. I will never finally get over it I suppose. Anger: Everything about your ex makes you angry. He also says, Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19. I was married for 42 years when suddenly, without warning, a knock at the door, and a sheriff with divorce papers. 'We were still in love when our marriage ended' I got divorced because of a communication breakdown (that oversimplifies it, really) but I regret it because we were probably still in love when. Am I happy where I am now, DEFINITELY. I tried dating at first to replace her and I could not I love her to much . He has seen me in a good, solid, happy relationship for several years now, and while life isnt without its challenges, in general, I have no complaints. However, in as much as the pain is there, its good to mourn but this should not take forever, one should get to know the way out and know how to get out of it, then move on. That was 5 years ago. Deeply sad, and still in pain. I do not want to be with my ex as he did some very bad things, but I mourn for the loss of our whole family as a unit and broken promises. Divorce happened the year after I had retired. And regardless of its source, shouldnt we be allowed to acknowledge it when it returns, free to express our feelings openly? I will say this never again will I give any women a chance to hurt me . I still love the woman I thought I married and I am angry at the emotional manipulation and pain she metered out to me which ended with the beginning of her second marriage. I just do not what I am frightened of. He stopped speaking to me full stop. but is still just a imitation of what are family should and would be. "text": "Its possible for your divorce to haunt you even after years as you struggle emotionally over how your marriage ended, how easily your spouse moved on, and how hard it is to negotiate the ebbs and flows of life." He blamed me and said he had been unhappy for years. As a man who was left behind almost 6 years ago and has been parallel parenting two daughters since, I will simply say that I identify with what you wrote. New hopes, dreams, and opportunities arent going to come to you if you arent emotionally free and receptive. My marriage lasted 21 years, I was with her for 23 years. You choose to leave now leave me alone. I used to pray (if you can consider chain smoking outside your apt. from their father when they need us both. Give yourself time to heal and recover from the pains of being apart. 11. After a happy 28-year marriage, we're getting a divorce. An example is engaging in mind teasing activities, for instance going back to school for your masters on a part-time basis. Some people see divorce pain as phantom pain, conveniently forgetting it is pain nevertheless. While I am not a mom, I am a dad. The pain visits quite infrequently now (thank god) but once in a while it still hits me, hard. But, it better be given deep and long thoughts the effects and consequences. You deserve to feel love and to love and be loved. My ex moved on, remarried a month after the divorce. Add in a young child, and the other spouse refusing to work on things, rather, cut bait and get out immediately with no reason. I am proud of all you women as I am proud of myself, for making it through. No tool and not even with time repairs. I often hear wives say things like: "Sure, he's sorry . And the recent weddings for two of our sons? Are you a parent who's separated divorced Or NEVER-MARRIED ? Dont accept any blame..it was just an excuse & helped your ex rationalize his behavior. This so much speaks to me . But I try to be grateful for all they do for her they live in the same city as my daughter while I am out of state. Once in a while I cannot help but look back, even though I think Ive worked through it all. And its hard to have to share my daughter and grandchildren with my exs affair-partner-now-wife. And believe me, its been so hard and heartbreaking. My reservations with acting on adopting is that I would be exposing a child to a broken home. I am an optimist and hope and pray that eventually for the sake of our children Hang on there, you are so precious to God, and there is not one moment whatsoever that He has not been by your side, He will carry you thru this. Youre getting something out of it or you would be healing and moving forward. My ex husband left our family 7 years ago for my (single w/2 kids) friend. I have a great relationship now and am engaged. Needless to say, they do not see him and rarely communicate with him. The article is dead on. Many times people start dating immediately while healing has not taken place making them suffer even more. Only now I realise all that I feel, others feel too. Being the left behind spouse I struggle a great deal. When one of my kids remarked that he thought there was a profound sadness in me, I was taken aback. "@type": "Question", Most likely, it is because the couples still have the pain of past marriage. we see each other all the time with that and every smell and sound and sight reminds me of her and how my family was and could be .. I just dont know how I could have been so blind. I feel like my life was a road that led to a sudden precipice that I could not see that I fell into it or perhaps I was pushed into it, by the man I loved more than any other and I am still falling. "text": "You can be happy and sad at the same time after divorce because memories come and go without a warning. Thank you for this article! I have adult children and yes, they have their own lives. Think Im going to leave her too. He is now married to the woman he left me for, after 30 years together. I worked hard, did everything for him, but it wasnt enough.They married 18 months after our divorce ( 9 months ago, and went on honeymoon to one of our favourite places) They have a fantastic lifestyle, whereas I have had to go back to work. My career has suffered. I was 21 and immature and didn't know how to communicate in a healthy manner & I have an . This article really resonates with me. With both of us attending 2 of our childrens graduations, the sadness creeped up on me and has been lingering. I would have been able to still respect him. I never realized you could love to much. Cant Get Your Ex Out Of Your Head? Median duration of first marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.8 years Females: 7.9 years. But if a marriage is in shambles, then its better for it to be called off than to remain in pain and hurts for the rest of your life. Although she burdens me daily with spam, she's devoted and reliable. It affected my relationship with my children. I find it hard to understand and accept that a loving man (believe me he loved all women) could sever his life so fully, walk away and turn into a man I never knew. I take strange comfort in the fact that you still hurt 36 years after your divorce: I realise it sounds odd but the comfort is in knowing that Im not the only one who cannot move on as I was told to over and over again. I was told many times by her and our therapist that I was too attached, I loved her to much. I thought is wasnt normal to still feel guilty 10 years later. I feel completely abandoned and alone. I will search for a gentler and more compassionate website. Your ex will find his happy life isnt all he thought it would be.mine surely didnt, but hes stuck with it now. You arent able to find joy in your life as it is. Thank you for putting your experience to paper which identifies the common pain we shareand doing it so perfectly. I am deeply saddened reading the pain others feel and the hurt by being on the receiving end of divorce. "mainEntity": [{ But I could not stop it. My kids are well. And my bitterness prevents me from speaking to her, despite her efforts to remain friends. Most Famous Female Pop Artists of the 70s, The History of the Basketball The Actual Ball, Guide to the Absolutely Strangest Things on Earth, Strange and Unusual Ceremonies and Traditions Around the World. You may consider it phantom pain, but its pain nonetheless. The unearthing of secrets when, like a woman possessed, I became Miss Marple, Agatha Christie would have approved. It will only increase the hurts and pains which will also affect your health. Are men and women so different? Emotional Symptoms of Divorce. The relationship- no kids thank God was very sticky I was 21 when we met, he was 36. Divorce Hangover: Pain That Won't Stop The days I dont see my son are brutally hard. As the years go by following my divorce, I often think that something is wrong with me because I still feel sad. Most psychologists and therapists' general rule is one year of healing and recovery for every five to seven years of marriage. Here is the bottom line, Sam, youre purposefully holding onto the pain. fatigue. The worst part came a couple years later as I was sorting through papers to be destroyed. I see my future as being alone for the rest of my life, Im too exhausted and too busy careing for OUR severely disabled daughter. I have truly tried to find out who I am. Seeking revenge. I wish I could tell people it gets better but it does not when you miss the love of your life. You might feel disconnected or sad, even if you wanted the relationship to end. Best Wishes,Ben Schwarcz, MFTSanta Rosa Psychotherapist. But love, sadly, is not always enough when it comes to marriage, and we deal with it in the best way possible. And I can see now that my ex and I had probably wrung everything we could out of our marriage, so I try to be grateful for the opportunity to become my own person in a way I dont think I ever would have had he not ended things. As time goes on, there are less and less bad days, and more good ones . Almost the minute he left I was being told to move on, make a life for myself etc. By this time you will have known the extent that you contributed towards ending your previous marriage and see the solution to avoid any more hurts in a second marriage. I have been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out the consistent sadness I feel after 7 years. The day before what would have been our 40th wedding anniversary he sent me an apology for the way he treated me, and brought up the anniversary I cannot think why as he was married to her, so why mention it. My head knows the Lawsuit has no value. Also missing were 3 life policies with cash surrender values and 2 annuities. I also recognize my own responses as a function of marital expectations formed in the way I was raised, and my vision for what constitutes family. What I learned: Never let your guard down entirely, and he or she with the deepest pockets wins. I still cry daily for my marriage but also as a single parent of an autistic son and tween girl life is tough. a loss of appetite. 20. No longer. Done. Divorce is like living with a painful wound with which you learn to live for a very long time. Deep down, if she tried to come back, Id take her back. Wow. Friends dont understand, and my only comfort is my faith in God and lots and lots of prayer. The grief of your family broken or split is for sure the hardest thing to get over

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